Support an adult experiencing abuse
How to listen, offer practical help and stay connected without taking over decisions or increasing danger.
In this guide
Listen in a way that restores choice
Believe without demanding a full account
Say that the behaviour is not acceptable and the person does not deserve it. Let them decide how much to share; avoid cross-examination, diagnosing the abuser or asking why they stayed, returned or did not report.
Ask what would help today
The immediate need may be sleep, food, a ride, medicine, child care, a safe phone or someone to sit nearby—not a final decision about the relationship. Offer two or three realistic choices instead of commands.
Respect decisions while naming danger
You can say that threats, strangulation, stalking, weapons or escalating violence worry you and still respect the adult’s agency. Leaving can increase risk; do not issue an ultimatum or withdraw support if they are not ready.
Offer concrete, safer help
Agree on safe contact
Ask which number, app, time and words are safe, and whether voicemail or notifications could be seen. Establish a code and action plan; do not unexpectedly send messages about abuse.
Support planning without secretly directing it
Help copy documents, store a bag, look up transport, accompany them to a service or keep an evidence copy only with consent. Tell them what you can reliably do and avoid promises you cannot keep.
Connect to options
Offer to contact Women Helpline 181, a One Stop Centre, NALSA or emergency help together. Explain that the person can ask about privacy and process before sharing; do not impersonate them or file a non-emergency complaint in their name without authority.
Respond to immediate danger
If someone is in immediate danger, contact 112 and provide the clearest location and risk information you have. Do not physically confront an armed or violent person; keep yourself and any children out of the confrontation.
Stay useful over time
Keep ordinary connection
Isolation helps abuse. Continue ordinary invitations and check-ins that do not expose the situation, even if the person leaves and returns or stops talking about it.
Protect confidentiality with clear limits
Do not share with family groups, employers or social media. If a child may be at risk or you have a professional duty, explain the limit and seek current guidance rather than making secret promises.
Manage your own capacity
Set honest limits on money, housing, transport and availability. Seek confidential support for yourself without revealing identifying details; avoid making the survivor responsible for your distress.
Words you can use
A first supportive response
Someone tells you about abuse
“I believe you. You do not deserve this. You know your situation best—what would feel most useful or safest today?”
Naming risk without taking over
You are worried about escalating danger
“The threats you described make me concerned for your safety. I will not pressure you, but I can help you speak with a service, make a plan or keep something safe if you want.”
Related issue guides
Sources and publication record
Reviewed and approved by the project team · Sources checked .
- Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2005India Code, Legislative Department
- Emergency Response Support System 112Ministry of Home Affairs
- Women Helpline 181Ministry of Women and Child Development
- One Stop Centre schemeMinistry of Women and Child Development
- Free legal services and National Legal Aid Helpline 15100National Legal Services Authority